That is the future of the syncretist ‘sufis’ and other zanaadiq and munaafiqiin!
Click Here to download pdf for your amusement🙂 or read below:
هَاجِهِمْ وَجِبْرِيلُ مَعَكَ
Translation of meaning: Mock them [i.e., infidels and enemies of Islam] and Jibreel’s with you [to help you]! (Prophet’s permission and command to Hassan bin Thabit to mock the infidels and enemies of Islam, in Sahiih Hadiith)
ISLAMIC & LEGAL DISCLAIMER:
I had received this from someone and decided to modify it a bit further to elaborate on the fraud committed by the munaafiqiin and zanaadiq who pretend to be “sufis”, scholars of Islam, and teachers of ihsan. Such shayaateen need to be humiliated and indeed, this is encouraged in the hadith of our Master Rasulullah ﷺ.
What follows after this disclaimer is NOT the personal religious inclination of its original author or of ‘Abd-Allah Al-Mujaddidi Al-Naqshbandi. In fact, some of what is stated is actually kufr.
It is mockery, sarcasm and satire. The expressly stated aim of this mock-fatwa is to insult and disgrace the manifest zanaadiq and munaafiqin of our times – the syncretist sufis who believe in interfaith-equality, the “moderate Muslims”, the “revisionists” and “reformers” who make tongue-in-cheek implications that the fiqh of the 4 madhhabs of the Ahlus Sunnah is irrelevant, and that all of that fiqh must be “revised” and “reformed” in order to fit in with the kafir-friendly, westernized lifestyles of such people.
It is a mockery of those people whose first priority is pleasing their kafir brothers and sisters and living their lives whitewashed with western culture and influence, with as little hindrance from Islamic commandments as possible. These people are easily recognizable when they are embarrassed to call kafirs as kafirs.
These are people who carry the “Islamic” and “Muslim” tag only regretfully and remorsefully. They are ashamed to be Muslim because Islam is not something that pleases kufr and the ahl al-kufr. It is the opposite of kufr. Islam is that which seeks to eliminate and destroy kufr. It then puts these people in a terrible tough spot with their kafir brothers and sisters should they ever say something that the kuffaar do not wish to hear, notwithstanding their own indulgent lifestyles. So they seek to come up with this “version” of Islam that will make their kafir brothers and sisters happy. Such people are zanaadiq and munaafiqiin.
These are not utterances of kufr on the part of the original author, or myself, as it is allowed in Islam to say something SATIRICALLY using the premises of the kuffaar’s and the hypocrites’ own arguments in order to refute them, mock & belittle them, and to expose their heresy.
In the mock-fatwa that follows, the methodology of the zanaadiq ‘scholars’ is exposed manifestly, using exaggerated examples. They employ the exact same twisted methodology and twist the principles of Islamic usul of fiqh and play with it, only they do it in more subtle and detailed cases, so innocent Muslims are unable to catch them out on it, unless they have been blessed with good teachers and have a grip on the usul (the foundational principles) of Islam.
Sayyidina Rasulullah ﷺ has allowed us to mock the kuffaar, the mushrikeen, and the munaafiqiin. Rasulullah’sﷺ command to Hassan bin Thabit in Sahih Bukhari is well known, which is the heading right above this disclaimer.
So the zanaadiq who like to bring out the adab card to prevent Muslims from uplifting Islam & Muslims, and disgracing kufr & ahl al-kufr, can please do so. It does not bother us Muslims.
Enjoy, and have a good chuckle at these zanaadiq and in sha Allah, you shall be rewarded by Allah for belittling kufr and zandaqa. Additionally, please also remember that while the example below is based on exaggeration so that common Muslims, who are not students of knowledge, can also see the glaringly obvious abuse of Islamic principles, this is the exact same methodology used by the scholars of duniya in other intricate matters too, where innocent Muslims cannot catch them.
Please make note of this twisted methodology and use it in your critical thinking as much as you can when you read fatawa on the internet, or elsewhere, by such enemies of Islam. It may not expose ALL their fallacies, but at least it gives a good flavor of the way their fallacies work, and how these zanaadiq carry themselves.
While someone may not be able to identify all the fallacies that these enemies of Islam employ in the basic Usul of Islam, these zanaadiq and munaafiqiin are IMMEDIATELY identified by their love and respect of the kuffaar.
Without further ado…
This is what the future of the people of hawa looks like:
Question: I am a 26 year old hijabi Muslim woman working as a debt collector in east LA. Recently a NonMuslim coworker, has expressed desire to marry me. It started off as us being friends at work. He is a really friendly and warm person and became even friendlier to me after we ran into each other at an interfaith equality conference. One fine day he pulled up the courage to ask me out, despite knowing that I am a hijabi Muslima. I was shocked and told him that I am a hijabi Muslima, but ma sha Allah he was so accommodating of my religion. We agreed to only go for a walk by the beach after Isha prayers, so that there would be no khalwah between us as it’s a public spot, and yet we’d also have the privacy that we would require on that oh-so-special first ‘date’. He was the sweetest gentleman and he brought a dozen roses and a dozen giant 18 oz. Fruit ‘n Nut Toblerone bars that still had 2 weeks on them, in an eco friendly jute bag. He had picked them up at a clearance sale in a local discount store. On our first ‘date’, he never made any indecent advances or even tried to hold my hand, and was even kind enough to drop me home an hour before Fajr, right in time for my tahajjud prayers. Since then, we’ve been regularly going on similar ‘dates’ for the last 3 months, although without the Fruit ‘n Nut Toblerones as they went out really fast in the sale, but every single time he’s been the same gentleman without fail. He has now expressed interest that he wants to take our relationship to ‘the next level’, and since I am a Muslim, the only logical option for me is to marry. Anything else is haram for me, mister. I really like and respect him a lot and have been giving this some serious thought. Can you please tell me if I am allowed to marry him. He describes his religious inclinations as a “Born-again Scientologist – Couch Jumping Thetan V”. I would like to ask you why is it that Muslim men can marry Christian and Jewish women but Muslim women can’t marry any NonMuslims. All your help will be greatly appreciated. May Allah reward you greatly. Sincerely, “Fruit ‘n Nut Muslima”.
Answer: Dear sister in Islam ‘Fruit ‘n Nut Muslima’, I greet you with the greeting of Islam, As-Salamu ‘Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu.
I thank you for your question and pray that this reply finds you in the highest spirits of iman, ihsan, adab, akhlaq and the greatest admiration for renaissance shuyukh.
In Islam we look at the higher objectives and maqaasid behind a ruling and the deeply hidden soul behind the words of our beloved Prophet; we do not just blindly follow their shell – even if – the Prophet did explicitly and expressly command for or against something and even if that is how all the companions and mujtahid scholars have accepted his words. The same is the case with the rulings of the sahaba and the fuqahaa which served the purpose for the times they were said in, but we must understand that Islam can be and must be changed to suit the needs of the hour as required by the people that claim to follow it.
Now what are those higher maqaasid in religion? They are to make life as gratifying and appealing to our egos, as possible. Not only that, they are also aimed at pleasing as many people as we possibly can in a single lifetime as this alone will attain our aim of da’wah. As you know, da’wah is not as much about saying the truth as much as it is about pleasing people, even if it means bending the truth juuussst a li’l bit so that we preach at the level of someone’s understanding of what he wants to hear. Religion is not meant to impose restrictions on people and generate hardships for them.
The reason that Muslim men were allowed to marry Christian and Jewish women in the Prophet’s time was that those were the most common NonMuslims who interacted with Muslims considering the geo-political circumstances surrounding the Muslims of those times, and families in those days in any society, Muslim or not, were strictly patriarchal, so it was but natural for the woman and the children to blend into the man’s religion. Therefore, Muslim women’s marriage was only restricted to Muslim men to safeguard their religion so they do not end up leaving Islam, notwithstanding women’s financial dependence on men, which would mean the man could even force the woman to change her religion based on threats of financial hardships or divorce, and as you know in those days divorced women were frowned upon and found it very hard to remarry.
As we know, in these times, society has changed. We live in diverse and multicultural societies and Muslims’ interactions are not just limited to Christians and Jews but rather to people of all faiths, all of which are great religions. Women, both Muslim and NonMuslim, are far more liberated, educated, confident and self-reliant. They are not financially dependent on men and divorce is as chic as stiletto heels.
Therefore, it is highly unlikely that a girl who is firmly convinced of Islam and has attained haqq al-yaqeen at a rihlah on the Portuguese Azores, after a deen intensive in the Argentinian Andes and an inner purification retreat in Cordoba, who is a devoted Muslima, who is educated in her rights granted to her by the fiqh of the 4 madhhabs, is a self-sufficient and self-reliant career woman in worldly matters, and has the most charming adab to keep her husband wooing her charm and brilliance, will just leave Islam only because her husband happens to be a NonMuslim. On the contrary, it is far more likely that the husband will see the beauty of her version of Islam and eventually convert into her self-designed religion. Is that a win or is that a win?
We can then safely conclude, that keeping in line with usul of looking at the higher maqaasid of making things as gratifying for people as possible and reading into the inner souls of the verses, the ahadith, and words of scholars, completely disregarding their explicit and unambiguous verbal commandments and the interpretations of mujtahid scholars, the ruling prohibiting marriages of Muslim women to NonMuslim men is redundant for our times and it is permissible for Muslim women to marry NonMuslim men, whether they are Christians or Jews or “Born-again Scientologist – Couch Jumping Thetan V” (hint, hint).
In fact, depending on any individual circumstances, it may even be recommended or mandub, for the purposes of da’wah and advancing the spread and outreach of Islam and promoting interfaith harmony, establishing good relations with our fellow NonMuslim citizens. Needless to say, Muslim men too are permitted to marry women of any faith, not just Christian or Jewish.
Please have a good read of my book “A Common Bridge Between Islam & Scientology” which I launched at The Assembly of World Religions, to have a look at all the wonderful commonalities between these two great traditions of Islam and Scientology. I have drawn really long bows and shown in excruciating details the similarities between Scientology’s ‘Bridge to Total Freedom’ and Islam’s Bridge of As-Sirat that Muslims shall cross on the Day of Judgment in order to arrive in Paradise. This concept of bridges is what bridges these two great traditions of Islam and Scientology, pun intended.
Secondly, you must also note the dispensation that exists in the Shari’ah that a person whose life is under immediate threat, can say an utterance of disbelief. If a person’s life is in immediate danger, and he can even utter words of disbelief, then marriage is only a lesser matter. You have said that you stay in LA. We are all aware of the crime scene here. Statistically, there is 0.000000016% chance of you being murdered by another Angeleno. Please note that this is a very serious matter and all Angelenos face this risk of being murdered by another Angeleno. This person, you say, brought a dozen roses and a dozen giant Toblerone bars in a jute bag on a first date! Who does that on a first date? In fact, who does something like that on ANY date?! Like seriously, that is SO whack! Even if this person is the sweetest gentleman now, who is to say that he won’t take offense to your rejection of his proposal and pull a gun against you? You therefore, have a valid dispensation to accept his proposal in order to save your life.
Since you already possess a valid fiqh dispensation under your belt that even lets you utter words of disbelief under an imminent threat to life, manipulating its usul into the fiqh of minorities, you are automatically allowed to marry this man as a matter of self defense right off the bat. Human life is very sacred in Islam. You had this dispensation right from the start, and we did not even need to look at any further arguments and evidences. However, to silence our critics, the people of extreme interpretations, who like to fight tooth and nail to introduce a 1400 year old Islam into 2012, we have explained the fiqh of it as well so that they too are completely convinced.
I pray to Allah to guide you to all that is appealing and satisfying to your nafs and your long list of Facebook friends, and even ‘friends of friends’, and to grant you the highest levels of adab and respect for Muslim brothers and sisters, specially renaissance scholars who teach you the deen, for their flesh is poisoned and speaking out against their opinions and being critical of them is a sure invitation to Allah’s wrath.
With adab and warm regards, was’salam.
Jamal Samson, SIDI
A 100% SATISFACTION GUARANTEED “renaissance sheikh” – and Bob Saget’s neighbor.
SIDI Registration No. 85446123907
Master Adab Practitioner & Honorary Fellow, Global Adab Society, Cambridge, UK
No. 64 on White House authorized list of Top 500 Most Influential Muslims
Our Mission Statement – Issuing fatawa that offer complete and utter self-gratification to people of all faiths, genders, ethnicities, and sexual orientations. We live by our word!
For further information, please visit our boutique dar al-ifta in one of these chic locations:
New Age Dar Al-Ifta
666 Hollywood Boulevard, Los Angeles, California, USA
312 Avenue des Champs-Élysées, Paris, France
Suite 32B, 38th Floor, Rainbow Place, Oxford Street, Sydney, Australia
42 King Street, London, United Kingdom (God save Her Majesty, The Queen)
The questioner and the answerer, as well as the dar al-ifta and its addresses, mentioned in the above piece are fictional and any similitude to any real person or entity is purely coincidental.